Game Over Mystery Science Theater (G.O. MST)

Episode 1

Part 3

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Reading key: Text spoken by the characters will be in normal typeface, with the character's name bolded. Text in the MST'd fic is in bold italics, and the removal of either of these formats indicates a bold or italic in the story itself.

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All four of our... protagonists are sitting at the concession stand, sipping the same sort of drinks as before, but all looking somewhat drowsy. SC notably has swapped his Angel plushie back for his Petunia one.

Calcutta: Aw man, what time issit...?

SC: At least two in the morning... Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but... ugh, stupid Author and his school nights... Throws the whole universe outta whack...

666: (yawns) Perhaps we should consider retiring for the night...?

Sparkz: No way, no way...! (gulps down more Gatorade) I'm not going to bed with that... piece of trash... being the last thing I see...! We have to get... at least one more chapter in...!

SC: Agreed... If that thing were more well-written, I could count on some good dreams... (yawn) But as it stands... Let's break out the hot cocoa, boys, we gotta fill our minds with possessed skunk girls before The Angel and the Theif turns into a basilisk...

Sparkz: A what...? This is no time of the night to use big words...

666: I believe the general refers to... the sci-fi concept of fractal images so complex.. the human brain crashes...

Calcutta: Zzzzzz... (jerks awake) GAH!! TH' HORRIBL' COMMAS!! S' MANY O' THEM!! THEY'RE COMIN' FER ME!!! SAV' YERSELVES!!! (falls off stool)

The “Loading Complete” sign starts flashing yellow.

SC: Just on time... (slaps own face on cheeks repeatedly) There we go. Slap yourselves awake, boys, and in the immortal words of Sonic the Hedgehog, “Let's do it to it.”

They enter the theater.

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commercial: …*beep beep beep* Darth Vader is still Luke's father!

announcer voice: And now our feature presentation.

Chapter 3

A.N. Here is Chapter 3 of Spirit Trap Kalgante and I have come up with a few more ideas to entertain YOU, our dear readers. So enjoy this chapter!

Sparkz: ...Isn't that pretty much how she introduced the last chapter? Except, y'know, with every required period?

Calcutta: At least compared t' th' last story, this will b' entertainin'.

Petunia and Giggles sat in Petunia's bedroom, which was very well organized. Everything was clean, the room itself was spotless, it seemed. Blue-painted walls, and a gleaming wooden floor and furniture. Giggles' own room wasn't exactly spotless, but close enough to it.

Sparkz: Well, any blatant diverges from canon yet?

Calcutta: Act'lly, no. Whil' there's been an episod' insid' 'er house, it didn't show 'er bedroom.

666: If anything, there's actually a plus towards continuity by implying Petunia's obsessive-compulsive disorder she had in the TV series.

SC: ...I swear, if the previous story acclimated us to bad writing so much we can't find decent errors in this one, I'm gonna rip Yosie a new one.

The two girls sat in their night-dresses, Petunia in a dark blue one, Giggles in pink.

SC: (o///O) Ooh la la~

666: ...I don't see it. Most of them don't normally wear clothes, so why...?

Calcutta: It's weird stuff, pardner. Weird stuff.

They were discussing Petunia's Pendant Problem, as Giggles called it.

SC: Given the severity of the situation, that title is much too playful. Too alliterative or something.

Sparkz: Hey, it said Giggles came up with it. Petunia doesn't have a choice.

SC: We've been over this, Sparkz; this is not S&M!

"You know, Petunia," Giggles said, a finger to her chin in thought. "Since you can talk to the pendant, you should ask it what it is. You might find out more then."

Calcutta: Sinc' when 'as talkin' t' th' villain offa work ever... well, worked? Y' can only talk enemies t' death in bad kid's TV shows. 'Less yer Kirk 'n' th' villain's a computer.

SC: Oh c'mon, Calcutta, you know us villains. We love to brag and boast and gloat. It's a really really bad habit, but it's what we do.

Petunia nodded, and looked down to where it was fused into her chest, making it look odd and sharp.

Sparkz: Apparently it didn't look odd and sharp every other time she looked down at it before.

"What are you, pendant?" she asked, and they sat and waited for it to answer.

Sparkz: (machine girl voice) “Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. Please leave your message after the beep. Current time remaining until beep: six (6) years.”

Calcutta: Wait, how'd ya pull off that ther' number thing?

Sparkz: Oh wouldn't you like to know~

After a minute or two, Petunia flicked it, and flinched.

"Ow," she muttered. "It hurts when you do that to me, you know."

SC: No, really? You cause movement to something glued to your body and your skin moves along with it?! Congratulations, you've just researched basic physics!

Finally, she got a reply in her head. I know that it hurts. I do it only very gently, so as not to hurt myself in the process.

Sparkz: So the spirit of the pendant claims that not only can she falsely diagnose people with scarlet fever, but that she is the main cause of physics. Conceited much?

SC: Yet another similarity... (whimper)

Giggles looked at Petunia's annoyed face, and waited until her friend seemed to be done. "Did it say something?"

Sparkz: No, it didn't mention that particular word. HERE'S YOUR SIGN!

…

Sparkz: ...What?

SC: The voice is talking in Petunia's head. Giggles can't hear it. She does not require signage for this particular moment.

666: And besides, the line wasn't even that funny.

Sparkz: Shut-up-I'm-tired.

Petunia nudged her chest slightly to experiment, and felt the same sharp pain she had felt only a minute ago.

"It said that it only hurts me very gently, so as not to hurt itself. But, it's not saying anything more. It's very mysterious."

SC: Mysterious, yes, we know. No mystery about that.

Giggles scratched her head, puzzled. "So, it sounds like the pendant feels your pain too. It just sort of, pinches you or whatever. Like a warning or something. It sounds like it's your parent!"

SC: … “Like it's your parent.” Really. That... That just robs it of any impact whatsoever. No one ever uses “parent” singular in that fashion. It's always “mom” or “dad” or equivalent; “parent” is only used when it's plural and referring to both parents. If she had said “like it's your mom,” it'd actually be amusing since it implies a level of intimacy, like she's certain Petunia's mom would actually do that and that she, unlike us, knows of her mom. But “parent?” It's like she doesn't know who's she talking about.

Sparkz: ...You're making this crap up as you go.

SC: Doesn't mean it's not true!

Petunia scowled, and Giggles well, giggled. Petunia rolled her eyes, and decided to get some sleep.

"We should go asleep Giggles, I've had a long enough day without you laughing at me."

SC: ...”Go asleep?” “GO ASLEEP?!” That makes no sense! It's “go to sleep!” Where's the freakin' preposition?! THE GOGGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!

Giggles smiled, and corrected her. "Giggling, Petunia. Not laughing."

SC: I can't even begin to describe how ridiculously invalid that logic is. No wait, I can. “Giggling” falls under the general category of “laughing.” All giggles are laughter. Giggles is both giggling and laughing at the same time by definition.

Sparkz: So the one in charge is an idiot.

SC: Not necessarily. I doubt tailless chipmunks get into college logic classes very often unless there's a tree branch right next to an open window. Can't necessarily say the same for the author, though, at this point.

But Petunia was fast asleep in her blue bed, completely unaware of Giggles or anyone else. Giggles patted her friend on the head, and stretched out on her sleeping bag, before drifting off to sleep herself. "Good night, Petunia," she whispered.

Sparkz: Funny, I would've thought Giggles would've insisted on her getting the bed and making Petunia sleep on the floor. All curled up in a little ball and wearing nothing but a collar.

SC: Goddammit Sparkz, this is getting ridiculous! Why do you keep insisting on this imaginary relationship?!

Sparkz: Because this story is totally supporting it.

SC: ...We will discuss this manner further after I've had a good night's rest.

Sparkz: I'm hoping by then you're too busy fantasizing about Petunia or somebody tonight to remember it.

SC: ...I hate you, with a passion.

666: Shhhh! Ah think we'r' goin' int' a dream sequenc'!

Petunia rubbed her tired eyes, and looked around her. She was sitting in a dimly lit room, looking up at a flickering light.

SC: Sitting on thin air. That's a new one. Very dreamlike.

Sparkz: Maybe she's actually sitting on a tuffet. Like Little Miss Muffet. If the world wasn't occupied by funny animals, HTF would totally have a shepherdess.

SC: No, you're thinking of Little Bo Peep. Little Miss Muffet's... seemingly, just a little girl. Nursery rhymes aren't exactly known for the plot.

She watched, trance-like, as it came closer.

Sparkz: So now she's talking to a floating half-working light bulb.

SC: “Trance-like?” What sorta description is that? It's completely the wrong version of the simile for that particular description. “As if in a trance,” or, “as if entranced,” are preferable alternatives.

"Oh," she said softly, realizing the light was coming from the purple rose pendant.

Calcutta: Wait wait, hold up. Th' light is approachin' from abov', sinc' she's lookin' up, 'n' yet it's comin' from th' pendant, glued t' 'er chest, which is distinctly below 'er 'ead. Ah mean, c'mon, Ah think w' can all agree thatta dream sequenc' is still no excus' fer bad writin'.

It drifted down to meet her, and hovered in the air in front of her. It began to speak in its strange voice to her. "Greetings, Petunia. You must have a lot of questions."

SC: Interesting... Clearly established as an antagonist by now... and yet she's offering temporary services as an exposition fairy.

Sparkz: Clearly suicidally overconfident. A hundred bucks says she dies as a direct result of her own pride!

Calcutta: Ah'll tak' ya on. Th' way this story's goin', lik' hell th' end is gonna b' drawn logically from th' rest o' th' plot.

SC: I'm in as well. However, I will be wagering with Sparkz in favor of “pride before a fall.”

666: Well, I don't want to be left out of this battle. I'll call and also side with my fellow HTF fan.

SC: OK, so the stakes are as follows: If our spirit villain dies directly because of her excessive hubris, Calcutta and 666 give Sparkz and I a hundred bucks each, so two hundred total. If her death is not a direct result of her pride, Sparkz and I give Calcutta and 666 a hundred each.

Sparkz: What if she's alive at the end of the story?

SC: Then no money changes hands.

Calcutta: Now waitta gosh darn minut', bossman. Ah wagered against death-by-pride, 'n' that includes outcomes where sh' lives!

SC: I'm the boss, and not anymore, they don't. Back to the story.

Petunia nodded. "Why did you possess me?" she asked. The pendant's voice laughed quietly. "I cannot tell you everything, Petunia. But I will tell you this: I chose you because I need power. Lots of it. I need to be reformed, into my new self. A new being. And you will help me do that."

666: Oh be honest, you picked her because she was the one that put the pendant on first. Don't pretend it was anything different.

SC: I fail to see how one could attain high amounts of any sort of power in the HTF universe. There's barely a government, so no use for political power. Trying to get physical power usually gets you killed. And I'm fairly sure aside from the Idol and I think one time Lumpy was a stage magician, there's no magical or mystical power. There's nothing to gain!

Petunia frowned, unsure of what to say now. She searched her brains for a good question, a revealing one.

Calcutta: Ah'd comment on 'ow a real HTF fanfic would 'ave that b' a literal metaphor, but, let's fac' it, that would b' nothin' Ah hadn't already said.

"What is your new being going to be like?" The pendant laughed again, and merely said, "Wonderful, Petunia. It will be wonderful." Petunia shook her head, and then the room around her began to shimmer, and fade, until finally, nothingness...

SC: ...Well at least the similarities end there. She would never be so civil.

"Petunia! Wake up already!" Giggles stood over Petunia's wriggling body, waiting for her friend to come out of dream-world.

SC: ...Eh, I've seen worse descriptions.

Petunia sat up and looked around with wide eyes. "Where...?" She didn't finish her sentence, and looked at Giggles. She remembered where she was, and yawned. Giggles sighed, shaking her head. "Honestly, you take forever to get up. And you were tossing and turning all night!"

SC: So, at best, we can only assume it's morning instead of, say, the middle of the night. That really should be clearer.

Petunia smiled sleepily. "I had a dream...about the pendant thing." Giggles raised her eyebrows, and sat on the bed next to Petunia. "What was it like? Did it talk?"

Sparkz: (mock Petunia voice) “Not sure. I didn't see a mouth moving.”

Petunia nodded, trying to remember. "I can't remember all of it, but I do remember some of it. I'll tell you what I can first." Giggles nodded, and sat up a little straighter.

Calcutta: Oh no. She's gonna repeat somethin' that th' audienc' already knows.

SC: What else can be expected at this point.

666: I actually fail to see the point in showing the dream itself if she's just going to say it again, because I have yet to see real evidence this author could make good use of dramatic irony.

"Well, I was in a dark room. And the pendant was sort of shining, and then it was in front of me.

SC: So wait, in the dream, instead of talking to a ball of light, she was talking to the pendant, the dream incarnation of which was detached from Petunia even though the pendant being stuck to her is a vital component of her character in this story and the author didn't say the pendant was no longer attached during the dream sequence? Even though I know the projector is new, at no time before was it ever this freakin' confused.

I asked it why it possessed me, and it said it was because it needed power. It needs to be...like, reformed or something. It's very confusing to try and understand."

Sparkz: That's probably because it's a freakin' dream.

"It must be," agreed Giggles. "But, we'll figure it out eventually Petunia. Would you like to go outside for a while, or go for a walk?"

Sparkz: And no option to stay indoors. (bad Giggles imitation) “You are going to go outside and you are going to like it!”

SC: OK, that. That I don't have a problem with. It's when you start with the les-yay that I start wanting to strangle you.

Petunia silently agreed,

Sparkz: Presented with one option or the other? Take a third choice: use both! And don't tell the person who gave you the options while you're at it!

and placed her tree-shaped air freshener around her neck. "Sounds like a plan," she said, smiling. The two of them headed outside and decided to head for the centre of town.

SC: British! Boy, compared to the previous chapter, the author sure is holding back her British-ness.

Sparkz: Hey, I just realized something. They never took their nightgowns off. They are walking around town in their pajamas.

On their way, they saw Handy driving in his truck. But because of his arms, he was having difficulty reaching the steering wheel.

666: Anyone ever notice how Handy gets along just fine so long as he's not on camera? Like, everywhere, not just this story.

Sparkz: Maybe he's a little camera-shy.

SC: ...Speaking of camera-shy, Calcutta, you've been quiet for a bit.

Calcutta: Well then, stop beatin' m' t' all th' good lines then.

Giggles and Petunia gasped, and the truck skidded, crashing into a nearby tree.

SC: We can probably assume that the gasp didn't cause the truck to crash. From what I know of chaos theory, though, it's possible for that to happen. And by “what I know of,” I mean, “absolutely nothing.”

Sparkz: Maybe he crashed because he saw two hot girls walking around in nothing but nightgowns.

SC: Good point, that'd distract anybody.

They ran to help him, and pulled him out of the car. "What can we do to help you Handy? Are you okay?" Giggles rambled on, and Handy held up a hand to mute her.

Sparkz: He held up a hand! Ha! See, that's funny because he doesn't have hands!

Calcutta: ...Wait...

"I'm fine, fine. It's my truck that needs help. Would you mind helping me fix it? It'll probably only take a while."

SC: ...Calcutta, you're looking a little... red...

Calcutta: This issan outrag'!

666: You said it, lieutenant!

Calcutta: This is th' HTF univers'! This issa car crash in th' HTV univers'! 'N' yet no one's dead! Handy, at minimum, should b' dead, likely fromma branch fallin' on 'im, 'n' that's not even mentionin' 'e shoulda 'it least on' pedestrian in th' process! Th' engin' shoulda exploded a second later! What is wrong with this story?! (draws gun)

SC: (grabs Sparkz by the torso and starts slamming Calcutta repeatedly on top of his head) No, Calcutta! Bad batamon! Bad! No shooting the screen! Down, boy!

Sparkz: Ow! Ow! I'm not a club! Ow!

Petunia nodded. "Sure we'll help you. What are friends for?"

Calcutta: OK! OK! Call 'em off! Ah won't shoot! Ah won't shoot!

SC: Much better. (drops Sparkz back in his seat)

Sparkz: Never do that again.

SC: Consider us even for the whole S&M thing.

Handy smiled, and seemed to notice the pendant for the first time. He didn't say anything, but he had a wary look on his face that said what he was feeling.

666: So he's automatically suspicious because of a piece of jewelry? Frankly, I wouldn't give it much heed unless she were wearing the Idol.

"Um...Petunia, could you try and get that nail out of the tire? Thanks."

SC: Wait, I thought he crashed because he tried to drive with no arms, not because he ran over a nail. Not to mention it would especially difficult to be able to drive to the crash site from far enough for Petunia and Giggles to not first hear the tire pop from the nail. Especially without arms.

Petunia moved over to the tire and began to pull at the nail that had lodged itself in the tire.

Calcutta: Wait, that ther' makes no sens'. It's not lik' pullin' a sword fromma ston' 'ere. Tires ar' basic'ly thick rubber balloons. If y' could getta good grip on 'em, it wouldn't take too much effort t' pull it out. 'N' even if y' couldn't, Handy's a carpenter; 'e even 'as a 'ammer right onnis belt! 'Ell, our Author could d' it, and 'e 'as th' physical strength offa baby cockroach!

Giggles was on the other side helping Handy to repair the door.

Sparkz: Apparently by using the hammer needed to easily pull nails out of tires.

The nail was in pretty deep, but Petunia had it mostly out at this stage. With one last great pull, she sent the nail up into the air...

Calcutta: Twenty bucks says it lands right in someone's eye!

666: I'll raise ya fifty that no one dies from that nail.

Calcutta: Yer on!

and straight onto Handy's window.

Calcutta: ...Consarn it!

666: It appears, maverick, that you haven't been paying attention to the story. I'll collect my money tomorrow.

Calcutta: Today.

666: Hm?

Calcutta: It's after midnight. It's th' day after w' wok' up.

666: ...In the morning, then.

Calcutta: Technic'ly, it's mornin' too-

666: Shut up.

There was a loud smashing noise, and Petunia covered her ears, looking up at the mess she'd made.

Sparkz: There was a window left? After running into a tree?

SC: I've been in a car crash before, though not with a tree. Not all the glass in a crashed car instantly shatters.

Sparkz: Well, that was Earth, this is Happy Tree Friends, right?

666: Probably, but I'm far too exhausted at this point to try and recall every case of a car crashing on the show.

Slowly she stood up and brushed a few pieces of glass from her fur. Handy stormed over to her, red with anger. "Don't you realize what you've just done? Can't you do one simple thing right?"

666: What she just did, civilian, was break a window by accident while overly-exaggeratedly pulling a nail out of a tire like you asked her to. Relatively speaking, it's not like it's going to make getting the truck repaired that much more expensive.

SC: Maybe that window had some personal significance.

Calcutta: Lik' what, 'is ol' girlfriend kissed it 'n' 'e never cleaned th' lipstick off t' remind 'imself?

Sparkz: No wait, I got it! The window itself was his girlfriend! Handy x his truck's window! My new OTP!

SC: Dear freakin' Mew...

Petunia flinched, and took a step backwards.

"I'm sorry," she tried, but Handy wasn't listening.

Sparkz: Maybe he would if she tried to say something instead of just trying words.

"You're so stupid!" he said, and then looked down at her pendant with a sneer. "And ugly, with that stupid pendant. It's like, half melted!"

SC: OK, I haven't seen this show in a while, and I still know for a freakin' fact that Handy is not nearly so mean as has been demonstrated here. Maybe he's in a bad mood from his car crashing or something, but that's no reason to bite her head off. The only time I've seen someone metaphorically explode on the show was that episode with Giggles and the environment. And incidentally, pendant or not, Petunia is not ugly. (holds up plushie) See this? I do not make plushies of ugly characters! Are we clear? Good.

At this, Petunia didn't say anything. But Giggles knew what was going to happen then.

Sparkz: (mock Giggles voice) “I can tell that something will happen every time after only seeing that thing happen once before. I'm so awesome, patterns always follow me!”

"Oh no," she said, and came round to the other side of the truck, but too late.

Petunia's eyes were glowing brightly along with her pendant, and she raised her hands, shouting, "Surge, speculum! Attack mas!"

SC: She's still doing it! This half-Latin nonsense...! It was invented by the Romans, for Mew's sake; they have to have a word for “attack!” Or at least “fly,” or “charge,” or something! I'd check, but it's way too late to look it up...! I'll do it in the morning...!

As her hands rose, so did the remaining shards of glass. Petunia rotated her hands slightly, and the glass turned their sharp edges

Sparkz: ...a.k.a. any edge...

to face a shocked Handy. The glass went straight for him, and hit his back as he turned to run.

With a cry of pain, he fell to the ground, and more pieces of glass struck him on Petunia's orders.

Calcutta: ...Tarnation, Ah can't believ' it... Could it...?

666: The intel doesn't lie, lieutenant. This story finally has a death.

Calcutta: Yeeeeee-HAW! (throws hat in air) Yippie-ki-yo-ki-yay!!

Sparkz: Hey! Some of us are trying to watch a movie here!

Calcutta: ...Sorry, pardner.

Then she suddenly froze, and dropped her hands. The glass fell to the ground, like nothing had happened. Petunia's eyes returned to normal, and the pendant stopped glowing.

SC: That's an odd way for that to work. One would think the eyes and pendant would stop glowing first to indicate the power leaving her, and then the hands and glass dropping.

She looked at her hands, which were shaking.

"I did it again, didn't I?" she whispered.

SC: Technically, the spirit did that stuff. You should very well know by now you're not the spirit, since you're still you. Seriously.

Giggles nodded, and put an arm around her friend's shoulders. "Come on," she said. "Let's go away from here.

Sparkz: In our go-away vehicle!

We'll get you sorted out." Petunia shuddered as the pendant whispered,

Not if I can help it.

SC: ...A line break? Really? You thought it was a good idea to have a line break there, between saying who's speaking and the spoken line? A line break right after a comma? Who do you think you are? Jackkson?!

A.N. Ah, there you go. Another chapter of Spirit Trap is done I'm so happy now! See you later!

Sparkz: Well, to her credit, she didn't misuse “finite” again.

SC: That makes the score... let me check... 4 to 82. Nothing worth getting excited about.

Calcutta: Well 'ere's somethin' t' get excited about: someon' in this story fin'lly died!

666: And something to get even more excited about: the chapter's over, so we can all go to bed.

SC: And about dang time... (yawns) At least I'll take comfort in the image of Petunia in a nightgown... I'll see you all back here in the morning...